Friday, January 20, 2012

Such Things As Coexisting





For the last several weeks, when I look downward all I see is belly.

I haven't embraced it in the way that I thought I would, and find myself wondering on an hourly basis who this unrecognizable body belongs to and what strangers think of it and will I be able to tie my shoes in the morning?

Still, as the days go by I'm growing further and further in awe of this entire process, how my muscles and bones and hormones have taken over in a total and utter dictatorship, against all of my protests, directing my body to care for Aston in exactly the way that it should, in the way that every mother and doctor and midwife and textbook advises.

Yet my feelings towards it remain paradoxical. There is the intense respect I've developed for it, on an entirely new level, but it's coupled with a refusal to fully own it, to attach an identity to it, to redefine myself in any sort of physical way (though it's pretty hard to deny the pity looks I get when I'm running).

This surprises me.

4 comments:

liz @ bon temps beignet said...

I feel ya girl. Good news... I can still tie my own shoe laces. So when you're 40 weeks along, I'm sure you'll still be Super Woman, running around with a cute belly and watching everyone stare in amazement. I can barely walk fast, much less run.

mrshoney said...

Better to just let go and embrace it all... Will prepare you for motherhood, which is full of things that are unfamiliar, uncontrollable, and utterly wonderful. Best thing that will ever happen to you. Ever. Enjoy!

Sara @ Russet Street Reno said...

I haven't been able to exercise this whole pregnancy, starting about 7 weeks I just have no energy once I start a workout. I huff and puff and then give up. So, you're doing much better than me. I hear you on the belly - I haven't really embraced it either, but I'm happier now than a month ago.

NotesFromAbroad said...

The wonderful thing about it all is in it's own way, physically for you, it is temporary. You will get your own body back and then you will find that you miss what you have now .. try to enjoy it now .. it will be over quickly enough ..
(I remember laying in the bath, with that great huge belly sticking up out of the water and I would quietly discuss with the baby ( my son) how things were going to be when he arrived, when he went to school, when he grew up.
Of course, once he was born, it was all done the way He wanted it to be done, so enjoy this time, it is really fleeting and so very precious)